I Told My Mom My Secret and She Cried

I had a secret. Only my psychiatrist and a few close friends knew about this secret, and I wanted it that way.

After a few particularly bad days, my psychiatrist encouraged me to tell my mom. I didn't have the guts to tell her, but desperately wanted her to understand. So that Saturday night, I took a major life-changing step - I told mom my secret.

What is this secret you ask? I self harm. When I am down, I cut myself.

I thought cutting was something that only I did, something shameful, that no one could understand. Little did I realize that many other people have experiences like mine, and that I am not a total freak.

Well, back to telling my mom. It was hard to tell her that I had been self harming while living with her and then for years after. I said "Mom I have something I have to tell you - just listen please." Then I went on to tell her "Mom, you know how sometimes I get really sad and really down, well, sometimes I feel so bad that I cut myself to make it better." She started to cry and asked me why over and over. I couldn't answer her why's and they still ring in my ears. She was desperately upset that she didn't realize it, that I didn't get help earlier.

My life changed from the time I told her. She now understands more about me. She?s more empathetic and takes me seriously when I tell her I am down. I knew she cared about me... but I didn't know to what extent.

I didn't realize how understanding parents can be. I thought it would hurt my mom too much to know, but I was wrong. Sometimes we underestimate our parents. Sometimes you need to give them the chance to respond with love and acceptance and let them help you. Sometimes you have to take the risk of rebuke to find the love hidden beneath.